So, as of right now, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a lot of ideas, and a lot of things I am "kind of" interested in, but I don't know if I'm interested enough to pursue them. When I graduated this past May, I had all sorts of plans for art installations and paintings, but whenever I'd think about making artwork on a regular basis I'd freeze up and nothing would get done. For a long time I thought I was afraid of failure, but now I realize that I am mostly afraid of success. My artwork wasn't incredible, but when I imagined what would happen if my artistic career got rolling... I realized it would mean me producing a lot of artwork, constantly, and I barely scraped up the motivation to do the few projects I did this year. Perhaps, my brain started to suggest, you don't enjoy making artwork enough to pursue it as a career. And anything could happen in the next few decades, but right now I think that's true. That I don't enjoy making artwork enough, and rather than spending all my energy trying to force myself to enjoy it, perhaps I should explore other things.
The problem is, I'm afraid that there is nothing out there I'm going to enjoy. I'm afraid to explore other things because if I leave some stones unturned, there are still all kinds of possibilities -- I can calm myself by saying, "Hey, you never know, you could turn out to be a genius writer. Or filmmaker. Or violinist." But once I delve into those subjects and really try, that comfort is going to disappear. Because everyone (or almost everyone) sucks at a new thing when they first start doing it. As Ira Glass said (and I paraphrase), you get into artistic pursuits because you have good taste, and that good taste is also what can really depress you at the start -- because you're aware of how bad you are. Hopefully I'll find something I like doing so much that I don't care whether or not I'm bad at it.
On that note, this is a blog about my artistic pursuits, so here are the things I am working on/thinking about right now: slowly working on creating an episode of a radio show with a friend, learning more about voice acting, writing little snippets of unrelated scenes and characters here and there, sketching some characters, and taking and editing some photos for a friend.
Now that I've talked about the present, I think I should (finally) write a record of the past. I was planning on writing a post a long time ago about SiTE:Lab, but now I think it may be a good idea to summarize everything up until now. I'll leave out a lot, but I think it may be helpful for me. Watch this space, we'll see if I actually do it.
